Let's Talk Self-Pleasure: Breaking Taboos and Celebrating Self-Love
When we think of self-care, we often conjure up images of bubble baths and face masks, but it's time to expand our understanding to include activities that promote sexual wellness and empowerment - yep that’s right, today we are talking about female masturbation, solo sexy time, self-love sessions, or whatever you want to call it. Long shrouded in stigma and taboo, it has since been emerging as a powerful tool for self-love and empowerment. It's not just about getting off; Masturbation is a natural and healthy part of life, and it's about owning your pleasure aodies and embracing self-pleasure as an integral part of not only their self-care routines, but of their lives and identities. By challenging societal norms and advocating for sexual autonomy, they're breaking down barriers and promoting a more inclusive understanding of pleasure. Masturbation isn't just about reaching orgasm—it's about prioritising your own needs, exploring your desires, and celebrating your body in all its complexity.
(Photograph by Maisie Cousins)
Closing the Masturbation Gap: Why It Matters
If you’ve never heard about the Masturbation Gap, you’re probably not alone. The term refers to how often we indulge in some solo sexy time each year, and then it takes a closer look at the difference between those who identify as men and those who identify as women. However it's not just about how many times we indulge in a little self-pleasure per year; it's about the stark difference between the two. Masturbation can have plenty of positive knock-on effects for our health and happiness, such as reducing stress and even period pain, so when women aren't masturbating as much as men, it's not just a pleasure problem; it's a well-being issue too.
You might be thinking ‘Well how big can this gap really be?’. A study of 6000 women and men from 12 countries, commissioned by sex toy brand Womanizer in 2020, found that the women surveyed masturbate roughly once a week or 49 times a year compared to the men, who masturbated on average 3 times a week or approximately 154 times a year. The research also showed that 35% of the women questioned never masturbated, compared to just 18% of the men. Look at these statistics you might be tempted to think, "Do women just not want as much pleasure?" or "Maybe their sex drives aren't as high as men's?" And yes, it might be easy to chalk up the lower numbers in female masturbation to a lack of libido - but is it really true?
It’s a topic researchers have looked into extensively, and although they have found a slight gap in libido, it’s not enough to explain the glaring difference in self-pleasure experienced by men and women. A recent survey found that the average libido for females in 2023 is 5.73 out of 10, while for males, it is 6.8. According to Womanizer, “These findings suggest that while there may be differences in masturbation habits, there are no significant differences in overall libido between genders.”
Despite similar levels of libido, women are less likely to to dive into solo pleasure sessions. Why? Womanizer’s experts say “internalized shame, social stigma and a lack of education” around female masturbation are likely to blame here.
This "masturbation gap" reflects serious societal issues surrounding female sexuality. We're talking about centuries of stigma and the suppression of women's desires. Yeah, we're not here for that. That’s why it’s so important to face these cultural barriers head-on; we can pave the way for a more inclusive society where women feel empowered to own their sexuality and reclaim their pleasure without any fear of judgment or shame. To show the world that women can—and should—enjoy self-pleasure just as much as anyone else.
It is important to note however, it’s not just about society telling us that self-pleasure is a no-go (although, let's be real, that plays a big part). There's also the matter of time and the never-ending mental load. In heterosexual relationships, women often find themselves shouldering the bulk of household chores and childcare duties, despite most also maintaining a career. So, finding time for pleasure and self-care can feel like a luxury. And let's not forget the impact of stress, energy levels, and the emotional toll of daily life—all these things play a role in our desire for eroticism and self-pleasure, and could definitely account for differences in masturbation frequency between men and women.
We also want to be clear - there's no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to how often someone “should” masturbate. It is unique to every person and can be influenced by things like their age, libido, stage of life, and the culture or community they are part of. Everyone's sexual journey is different, and how often you choose to treat yourself to a little self-love depends on your own personal preferences and sexual needs. So whether you're getting down to business every day or just every once in a while, it's all good. There are no "shoulds" or "musts" in the world of self-pleasure. Some people rarely or never masturbate, and that’s okay too!
(Photo via Pinterest)
So Really, What Are the Benefits?
Aside from the glaringly obvious answer - it feels good and it’s fun - masturbation is actually good for your physical and mental wellness. Akin to meditation or working out, there are many benefits to masturbation aside from releasing all the feel good neurochemicals like oxytocin and serotonin.
Here's how it contributes to your overall well-being and sexual health:
- Stress reduction: Masturbation sends a signal to your brain to release those feel-good endorphins we mentioned above, which work wonders in helping you unwind. That physical release of orgasm? It's like hitting the reset button on stress, leaving you feeling relaxed and oh-so-good.
- Improved sleep: If you didn’t already know, a quick solo session before bed can lead to the best sleep ever. Masturbation is positively linked with improved sleep. Those same hormones that help you relax, also also pave the way for a peaceful slumber, leaving you feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day when you wake up.
- Enhanced immunity: Believe it or not, sexual arousal and orgasms can actually boost your immune system by increasing your body’s white blood cells. This makes fending off infections easier. Plus, hormones like oxytocin lend a hand in keeping your immune system in top shape.
- Pelvic floor health: Did you know that having an orgasm is like a workout for your pelvic floor muscles? Yep, those same muscles you strengthen with Kegel exercises. Strengthening your pelvic floor not only supports your pelvic organs and improves urinary control, but also leads to better sex. So go ahead, give those muscles a workout and reap the benefits in the bedroom.
- Pain relief: Orgasms aren't just pleasurable—they're also nature's painkillers. Reaching climax releases a cocktail of hormones; oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, all of which can help alleviate everything from menstrual cramps to headaches and muscle soreness. Next time you're feeling achy, schedule in a bit of one-on-one time for some natural relief.
- Mood enhancement: There's a reason why masturbation feels so darn good—it's a mood booster! Orgasms flood your brain with oxytocin and serotonin, naturally lifting your spirits and leaving you feeling happier and more content.
- Better partnered sex: Taking matters into your own hands isn't just about solo satisfaction—it can also enhance your sex life with a partner. Masturbation allows you to explore what turns you on and brings you to climax, which you can then share and communicate with your partner. It's like a crash course in pleasure, leading to a more fulfilling sex life and deeper intimacy.
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Brain health: Achieving orgasm stimulates various areas of the brain responsible for motor functions, reward, and sensation, leading to increased blood flow and enhanced brain connectivity. So go ahead, give your brain a workout and indulge in a little self-love—it's good for you!
Revamp Your Pleasure: Tips for Empowering Self-Love and Exploration
When it comes to nurturing a satisfying self-love routine, it isn't just about reaching climax—it's about self-discovery, empowerment, and indulging in your desires. It feels good, and it allows us to explore our bodies, and embrace our sexuality. If you’re encountering some obstacles when it comes to some one-on-one time, like internalised feelings of shame, body insecurities, mental overwhelm, or difficulty reaching the big O, it might be time to shift your focus from the end goal to the journey itself. So how can we set up for a good self-love session?
- Create Time for Self-Care: Set aside dedicated time for self-pleasure. Whether it's a soothing session before bed or a midday rendezvous with your favourite erogenous zones, make it intentional. It might surprise you how much of a difference it makes when masturbating is an intentional part of your routine. (And FYI: masturbating on your period is more than okay — it can actually help alleviate those pesky cramps.)
- Set the Scene for Self-Love: Embrace your sexual needs without any hint of guilt or shame. Create an inviting atmosphere that gets you in the mood. There's a lot to gain from trying something new, but you can start small. Maybe slip into your favourite lingerie that makes you feel powerful, confident, and utterly irresistible. You could set the mood with some music that relaxes you. Pick somewhere you’re comfortable, whether you're in the bathroom, bedroom, or any private spot. If you're feeling extra romantic, light up some candles or use essential oils. Create an environment that feels just right for you.
- Explore New Sex Toys: Shake things up by exploring new additions to your pleasure arsenal. Whether it’s your first dive into the world of sex toys, or simply expanding your collection, experiment with vibrators, dildos, or even vibrating panties for new heights of pleasure.
- Embrace Your Fantasies: Let your imagination run wild! Whether you're into ethical porn, erotic literature, or audio erotica, fantasy is your playground. Don't let guilt hold you back from exploring what turns you on. Whether it's engaging in pornographic content or simply letting your mind wander, there's no judgment here. Give yourself permission to explore every facet of your sexuality without judgment or restraint. If it feels good in the moment, go with it.
In this pursuit of pleasure, there's no such thing as right or wrong. No one-size-fits all approach. So, toss out the expectations, embrace the journey, and let yourself revel in the delights of self-love and discovery.
Embracing Self-Love and Empowerment: You Do You, Boo
